I have been on a journey with God these last few months. He is trying to remove some of my old mindsets that get in His way for how he wants to use me in this coming move of God. I am about to share with you one of the things I struggle with the most, but God is working very diligently with me to teach me to trust Him. I am not going to lie, at times it feels like I am being squeezed to death. It puts pressure on both Dave and I. I want to share from this place of growth so that I can encourage other people who may be having similar situations.
I have been married 10 years to the most amazing man of God who I can not say enough about. I have so much love for him it is awesome! Anyhow, I said this process started a few months ago but in reality this has been in process for our marriage and I am just now fully learning to trust. Good thing God is patient with me. From the moment we decided to get married our heart was to follow God at all cost. We both have a heart to see lives transformed by the love and power of God. I am saying this to say neither of us had a chosen “career path” we had a passion & heart was for ministry. I am not at all saying that ministry is not in the market place. We have many, many friends who are ministers in the marketplace. And truthfully we have been in that place for 10 years.Its been awesome to see God working through us in that environment. I feel like it was definitely a season of training and transformation in our lives.
In January God really began speaking to me about Dave. He was working in a gym as a trainer and it was very unsuccessful. In fact it was going to be costing us money rather that providing income for us. I really felt like God asked me to release him to follow his dreams. This was a really big deal for me because I was raised with the understanding that the husband is the provider. One of Dave’s many dreams is to write a book (he has had some ridiculously amazing prophetic words over books he is to write) and so this is the dream that I felt like he should pursue. I at the time had a solid job as an office manager which is the job God used to convince me to move to the south side. So in February we took our first step of faith and became a one income family. Was this easy for me no way! This entire time I felt like all provision for us was coming from me. Then the Lord began to show me in many ways not to think so highly of myself. It truly wasn’t completely my fault. I was doing exactly what society says I should be doing. Go get a job, make money and pay for your debts. Oh and I do have them! Thats truly what we feel like has been holding us back from what is in our hearts, our debt that we created. It was our sin and we had to carry it around with us until we could pay it all back. Anyhow not to get ahead of myself.
My work environment soon became very icky. This put even more pressure on me because I was totally unhappy. I began to really put pressure on Dave to find a job so that I could get out of there but in my heart I knew for a fact that I wasn’t suppose to be putting that on him. It was simply based on my fears. I have lived with these fears my entire life. What if we don’t have enough. This is where he wanted me to understand this was not kingdom living!!!
So basically here we are to the present day, I feel like the last few months He had been preparing me for the next step in my life. This is probably the scariest and liberating thing I have ever done. It requires more trust and faith then I have ever had to believe for.
I recently lost my job. I say lost because it was stolen from me and I was forced to quit. It was a very unjust situation and the Lord finally made it clear to me that it was not my battle to fight anymore. I have never quit before without knowing what I was going to do. Like I said the entire situation was completely wrong and unjust and I wanted to be vindicated.
I have no idea what to do from here honestly but I know without a doubt that I did what was asked of me. I have felt a freedom like I have never experienced yet at the same time if I dwell on what I did and look at my natural circumstances it doesn’t take long for me to sink into a pit of fear and anxiety.
This is when the Lord brought me this amazing revelation which blows my mainstream thinking for sure. I still have a hard time believing it’s truth but I can’t argue with it because I got it straight from the Word.
He asked me a question, are you working from a place of duty or destiny? I had never thought about it before but I definitely was working because I felt like I had to not because of a desire in my heart.
When I start feeling anxious about something I always go back to Matthew so this is where my revelation of His goodness and provision started.
Matthew 6 starts with how to commune with the Father, by intimacy in prayer and fasting. Verse 19-20 then shifts gears and says in the Allessia paraphrase, “Gather your treasures in Heaven rather than storing earthly treasures” – “the type of treasures you gather will determine what your heart longs for”.
Then verse 24 says “either you will hate the one and love the other or you will be devoted to one and despise the other, you can’t serve God and wealth”. I looked up the word despise because for some reason that is the part that kept me hung up on this verse. When you despise something you look down it, you esteem it lightly.
I now realize there times were I was so consumed with my job good or bad that I began to despise God. I began to trust myself rather than him.
Jesus basically says in this chapter that the point of our existance is communion with the Father, an intimate friendship.
Isn’t that what it was about in the garden? Adam & Eve had communion with God regularly, they walked and talked with him. It wasn’t until sin entered the earth that they were cursed. When sin entered God then cursed the ground and said we would have to work for what we have. Gen. 3:17-19 “And they would no longer able to have that Face to Face communion with God.” The purpose of man was to have communion with God , to be an intimate lover and friend of God. The secondary purpose was to have dominion and rule over the earth. Adam & Eve had dominion over every living creature and everything was provided for them that they needed.
So from that moment on until Jesus a price was to be paid so that mankind could be reconciled to God. There was sacrifice to be made, much toiling and very few were able to have that communion with the Father. So then Jesus enters, and pays for the penalty for sin once and for all on the cross. The Father tore the veil and we were now restored to a place of friendship and communion with heaven. Free access, no more sacrifice. Jesus took on the curse for us. What does that mean!! There is no more curse of toiling, no more curse of sickness, there is no more sin. He paid it all didn’t he? We can’t just believe that he took care of our sin and not believe the rest!!! He took care of it all. So we now have that communion with the Father, intimacy in friendship and the rest in knowing that he is again the Provider of All. He restored mankind to dominion on earth. This was really big for me. For years I have heard and even made the statement that God will provide. I didn’t believe it, I felt like there was something that I was required to do to prove I was worth him providing for. Ha, he already provided it all for us. We just have to come in to agreement with him and step in to our inheritance.
I am not going to lie, this is a difficult mindset to keep. When you don’t see the money for your real needs such as food, gas and bills, it is really difficult to believe that you can rest in knowing that he will provide. Even if the only thing you are concerned with is how you are going to pay your bills. Believe me it will drag you into a whirlwind of thoughts and the next thing you know you have sat there for an hour trying to decide how YOU can provide. Trust me I know firsthand.
So in Matthew he goes on in verse 25 saying Don’t Worry about food & clothing. Don’t worry about your physical needs.
You don’t have to do anything else to gain his provision. He says “Seek First My Kingdom & My Righteousness and all of these things will be provided for you”
Super easy huh. Seek him, Love him, spend time with Him, & burn passionately for Him and he will take care of you!!!! So we don’t have to sweat the small stuff.
As I was typing I began to think of part of the prayer Jesus taught us to pray (which is also in Matthew 6). I am paraphrasing.
“Father, You are Holy, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today what we need (our daily bread), And forgive our debts………”
When Jesus spoke and said Your debts are forgiven, go and sin no more, he included all sin, all financial debts. He meant it all!
The very next chapter He goes on to say Ask & it will be given, seek and you will Find, knock and the doors will open.
I don’t see any where in scripture where he says I am not going to take care of you. He is a good God!!!
So the point of this entire blog is to encourage you where ever you are in your financial situation. If you are living out of abundunce awesome. I pray for increase!! Daddy wants to release abundance on all His children. If you are stuck in a situation/job that is sucking the life out of you, ask Holy Spirit am I doing this because I feel a duty or is this to release me into destiny.
Daddy God wants to show how he provides for his children and Jesus the lover wants to care for his bride. Will you let them show you their goodness? It will be an adventure you will never forget.